Peter's Crush
by SkinnyLittleSlut
Summary: Peter has a crush, Sirius keeps flirting with James and Remus, and the whole thing is just so damn confusing. Will Peter ever get that date? Doesn't look so bright. Sirius-based. Light humour, language and sexual references.


**Based on real events, yet again. Man, my days are warped.**

**Disclaimer: JK owns all but the concept of my story!**

"Sirius, will you meet me after all classes have ended? I have something really important I need to talk to you about."

"Uh sure Wormtail. What about?"

"Well..this is rather embarrassing but…"

Peter glanced around the class to make sure that no one was eavesdropping, and then leaned in closer to Sirius and James.

"Remember when I told you that I am indeed fully gay, not bisexual like you, Sirius?"

Sirius chuckled.

"Yeah, I remember. Point?"

"Well-"

"For God's sake Peter just ask him now." James snorted.

"Goodness no!"

"Fine. I'll ask him."

"James…!"

"Padfooooot..will you marry our dear Wormtail?" James asked, leaning close into Sirius' face.

"I'd rather marry you." Sirius replied, batting his eyelids flirtatiously at James and resting his head on the smaller boy's shoulder.

"Really? Aw chucks. I'll awl dang tongue-tied." James drawled, patting Sirius' head and pulling away.

Sirius started laughing, not missing the slight glint of envy in Peter's eyes at the easy jokey flirtation between the two best friends.

Just then, the bell began ringing.

Sirius and James leapt up, James barging as hard as possible into the skinnier boy who fell to the floor, scowling.

"James you fucking arsehole!" Sirius yelled, yanking himself up by grabbing James' tie and kicking him in the shins. James was doubled over laughing.

"Watch your language, Mr. Black!"

"I'd rather watch you Minny, I say, is that a new skirt? Green is definitely your colour. You look simply lovely."

Professor McGonnogal simply shook her head, hurrying past Sirius with the tiniest of smirks on her thin lips.

"Prongs. C'mere."

Sirius pulled James over to a secluded spot in the Great Hall at lunch.

"Sup."

"Is Peter gonna ask me out tonight?"

James hesitated, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"He never said he was gonna ask you out."

"Buuut…"

"He did say he had something he needed to ask you. "

"Oh Christ."

James started laughing.

"Padfoot's gonna shag Peter. Peter's finally gonna lose his virginity!"

Sirius punched James in the arm.

"Fucking shut up Prongs! First of all, if me and Peter did shag, he wouldn't be the one fucking me."

James was almost crying with laughter at this point.

"And lastly, I'm not saying yes to Peter."

"Why though? I bet he'd be a simply spiffing shag."

"James, seriously what the fuck am I supposed to say?"

"I like Moony, soz?"

Sirius punched James' arm again.

"Fuck you. And you know what Peter's fucking like, he'd never talk to Moony again."

"You could say yeah and then dump him the next day."

"That's a bit fucking harsh!" Sirius exclaimed, trying his hardest not to start laughing too.

"Then he could still say he went out with you. You could be second on his list."

Sirius joined in James' laughter.

"Mate just tell him you're in love with me or Remus. I'm not really fucked if he doesn't speak to me for three hours, and I doubt Remus will notice."

"Kay. Oh, and Prongs."

"Yeah?"

"You give fucking shit advice."

"Nice arse Remus." Sirius called across the lake, coming over to join Remus, Peter, James, Lily and some of Lily's friends.

"Thank you Sirius. Much appreciated." Remus chuckled.

Sirius sat next to Remus, swinging his legs across Remus' and leaning in close to him.

"You smell good today Moony." he whispered in Remus' ear, mustering up the creepiest accent that he could.

"Fuck that's creepy. Please don't do that again."

Remus looked down at Sirius, who gave him a creepy smile, and turned back to Lily. She was sat on the other side of him, holding hands with James and smiling up at him.

"Oi Peter!" Sirius bellowed suddenly, seeing the small boy.

"Thank you for deafening me again, Sirius." Remus complained quietly, rubbing his ear.

"You're welcome gorgeous." Sirius said, winking at Remus and beckoning Peter over wildly. Peter shook his head, turning back to his book, and Sirius sighed deeply, standing up and dragging Remus with him to go and sit with Peter.

"Sup." he greeted Peter.

They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Kay I'm bored. Game. Moony. You have to shag one guy and one girl out of the people on this lake. Who'd it be?"

"I'm not gay or bi, Sirius."

"Oh, stop being a pussy and just play the fucking game already."

Remus sighed, looking round.

"Alright… probably Christianna, because she's quite pretty… and… well since I'm not bi, you, Sirius."

Sirius grinned widely.

"Fucking knew it. I'm irresistible."

Sirius threw his arms around Remus, pretending to look starry-eyed, and blinked dumbly up at him. Remus batted Sirius away, laughing slightly.

"Alright alright… well for me it'd have to bee… James. And for a girl…"

Sirius thought for a long while, staring at James. Peter scowled, raising to his feet, and walked over to where James and Lily were huddled.

"And Lily." Sirius finished when he had left.

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Kinky."

"Not a fucking threesome, knobhead. Separately. Hate to admit it, but Lily might actually be the hottest girl here. Excuse the fact the rest of them are fucking swamp trolls."

"Sirius!"

"Disagree with me, Moony. Truthfully."

Remus sighed heavily.

They both watched Peter's intense conversation with James and Lily for a while.

"Think he took the bait?"

"Bait referring to the "I'm in love with James" plan? I'm pretty sure he did, yes."

"Sweet. He must be bummed, but I guess it's less of a cringe this way."

"I suppose."

Sirius stood up, and pulled Remus back to James and Lily. Peter cleared his throat, walking away and starting up a conversation with one of Lily's other friends, laughing a bit too loudly.

"Dude." James snorted.

"What."

"Peter- he thinks you're in love with Moony. He thinks you're in love with Moony!"

James collapsed into a heap of giggles.

"What the fuck?! WHY?!"

"Thank you Sirius."

"Aw babe, you know I didn't mean it." Sirius said in a husky voice, reclining into Remus' lap and smirking sexily up at him.

"That's why!" James choked out, laughing harder.

"But I told him I'd shag you over Remus!"

"Why thank you." James replied, winking at Sirius who cheerfully returned the gesture.

"Um what?" Lily questioned.

"Oh hunny. Don't even ask." Sirius said, putting on a higher accent and patting Lily's head condescendingly.

"Okay then?"

"Well Peter thinks that you want to shag Moony more, and he is not a happy little fucker about it."

"Wow, really? I thought he'd be ecstatic."

"Sirius, do you even know what that means?" asked Remus.

"Sure I do. Ecstatic. Static and ecstasy. Never a good combination.

Lily, James and Remus all stared at Sirius disbelievingly.

"Uh, have I been spending too much time with him, or does that actually make some warped kind of sense?"

James groaned loudly.

"Oh God, Moony loves Padfoot back!"

"Shut up Prongs."

"Make me." James smirked, turning back to Lily and taking her hand and pulling her up.

"C'mon Lil." he smiled, swinging his arm around her shoulders and leading her towards Peter and her friends.

"Arsehole!" Sirius called after him.

James gave him a middle finger behind Lily's back not turning round.

Sirius sighed.

"So is he still gonna ask me out or what?"

"I have no idea, Sirius. I really don't know anymore."


End file.
